Journey vs. Destination

I’m a planner. I’ll just cop to that and have done with it. So, let’s review the current plan: leave Tuesday morning from Plymouth (Massachusetts), then stay nights in Cleveland, Chicago, Minneapolis, Bismark (North Dakota), Billings or Bozeman, extra day in Yellowstone, Wells (nowhere Nevada), home.

When C said he didn’t get to see his sister much, I figured we could extend the trip a day but then realized I do want to be home so, while we’d say we were extending the trip, I suspect we’d bail on the extra Yellowstone day. (Though C just said it is going to rain in Plymouth on Tuesday so now he’s not excited to stay.)

And when C mentioned flying back, despite my ambivalence, I started to generate a plan for that. First, it would cost about $450 each in plane tickets (about a hundred less if we’d be willing to stop in Phoenix, probably not). That is slightly more than we’ll spend on hotels on the way back but only slightly more. We’d have to give back the rental car and accept whatever fee they charged us, probably less than their weekly rental fee, definitely less than gas. We could stay an extra day or two, maybe fly back on Thursday afteroon (flights leave around 4:30pm from Boston). That would give us more time with family and still put us home a few days early. We’d have to check some bags, probably ship a few things and also abandon cooler (possibly we’ll call that “giving it to my inlaws”). That’d be ok.

It isn’t about the cost, though. This trip is supposed to be about seeing the country and pushing our personal boundaries. And I’ve heard the food scene in Wisconsin and Minneapolis is dynamite.

Except, C is what is known as a fearful flyer. Unlike some, he knows how a plane works (heck, given his enjoyment of flight simulators, he could probably talk you through a landing) so his fear isn’t ignorance based. It is a control thing. If he’s in the car, he’s in control, even though it is statistically far more dangerous to drive than to fly. Plus there is the sitting-next-to-a-stranger unhappiness that comes with all forms of public transportation. And the germs.

I can’t say I enjoy flying. The security checkpoints are intrusive and the flying part is just bothersome. But 6.5 hours of annoyance needs to be weighed against 6 days of mild irritation interspersed with fun and serious annoyance.

Some people suggested that I drug C for the flight here. But they didn’t understand, it isn’t the flight that is hard; the problem is the constant anxiety in the days and weeks leading up to a flight. If it was just the 6 or 8 hours (counting airport time), I would suggest chemical means. But not for a week leading up to the flight.

As we crossed the never ending nothingness between Albuquerque and Oklahoma, C admitted that it might be less stressful to fly than to keep up the constant angst of driving, eating out, and hotels. (Remember, Albuquerque’s Best Western sucked and the first Whole Foods was Oklahoma city.) He said he wished we’d flown.

That is a pretty big breakthrough for him. I wasn’t sure how to take it. We’d talked about desensitizing him to flying, maybe taking a trip to Anaheim (45 minute flight) and spending the weekend at Disneyland and Dodger games before flying back. With a trip all about fun, maybe it would be worth it to him. If he could learn to give up the control, maybe we’d go somewhere further afield. But we’d shelved that project for another day, maybe this summer.

So now, what do I want to do? Once I got into it, I was pretty excited about traveling around the country. I’ve had a really good time seeing the country. Given how different the states were as we traveled west to east, I’m very interested in seeing the differences along the northern route. And yet.

And yet, if I could transport home right now, I would. To sit in the warm sunshine in the lounge chairs in the backyard, hanging out with the dogs and a glass of something cold, fizzy, and fruity. To spend part of my day applying my mad problem solving skills** to problems that need solving. To not need to go for long walks in the early morning to alleviate my own anxiety. To be able to eat foods that aren’t exciting, food that I cooked myself.

I don’t know what we’ll do. It is up to C. But I don’t know what I want so I don’t plan to pressure him either way. There is goodness along both paths. I won’t be disappointed to fly home. And I might learn something on the drive home. His choice.

** We were discussing my reception snack acquisition and I mentioned that one of my skills was making things happen, I just needed a goal and I turned into a guided missile. My sister-in-law (not the flute playing one, the mathematician one) said she really wanted to pet an Abyssinian kitten. Darn if I didn’t actually look up the local Abs rescue before I realized I’d rather nap than attempt to grant her wish. She’s spoiled enough.