{"id":1086,"date":"2013-10-21T21:11:17","date_gmt":"2013-10-22T04:11:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/logicalelegance.com\/journey\/?p=1086"},"modified":"2013-10-21T21:11:17","modified_gmt":"2013-10-22T04:11:17","slug":"letting-go-of-old-angst","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/logicalelegance.com\/journey\/2013\/10\/letting-go-of-old-angst\/","title":{"rendered":"Letting go of old angst"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Yesterday, I went to this conference, nervous due to my normal social anxiety and uncomfortable with my identity as I sporting a &#8220;Press&#8221; badge.<\/p>\n<p>The first person I interacted with is the one guy at the whole conference that I&#8217;d hoped not to see. Of course.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;ve never been to this conference but this guy is involved with everything IEEE, at least locally so I was concerned he\u2019d be there. Let me explain why I had hoped to avoid him. Because maybe I&#8217;m wrong and I&#8217;m finally willing to have someone say &#8220;cut the guy some slack&#8221; or &#8220;let it go&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>My book came out two years ago. Just about that time, I decided to upgrade my membership from IEEE member to IEEE senior member. There was a member upgrade night, to meet senior members who could provide the recommendations necessary for upgrade. Soon after I walked in, I found a guy who said my background and resume were so good, he&#8217;d be willing to sponsor me as well as write a recommendation. That meant I got to skip a step. Sweet.<\/p>\n<p>I met another senior member who was willing to write a recommendation.<\/p>\n<p>I wanted a third person because I&#8217;m an overachiever (and a big believer in backup plans). Though the organizer (we&#8217;ll call him Fred as there will be more about him) said two was enough. Since the process had all gone very quickly and they weren&#8217;t busy, Fred offered to look over my application and resume. I handed over my papers.<\/p>\n<p>He made some comments on my resume. They were ok, they didn&#8217;t really fit with how I present myself. My resume is targeted toward hiring managers, busy people looking for high level information and probably only willing to drill deeper in a few spots. I was proud it was two pages. While the other recommenders liked my resume as it was, Fred felt strongly that I should submit a longer CV with my application. He had specific suggestions for what I should do.<\/p>\n<p>Happy for the help, I re-added the projects and papers I&#8217;d clipped. I made sure my CV showed growth in my careers: college, junior engineer, senior engineer, technical lead, manager, director, business owner. I added descriptions to my juried papers and to my magazine articles. I made sure my book and patents were prominent. It was a lot of bragging. And a lot of pages.<\/p>\n<p>A month passed. While my sponsor came through, the other recommendation writer bailed so I needed to find someone. Since I&#8217;d already interacted with Fred, I emailed him. I thanked him for his help, describing the changes I&#8217;d made, asked if he&#8217;d write the second recommendation for me.<\/p>\n<p>Fred emailed back and suggested more changes. Ooooookaaaay&#8230; I&#8217;d already put in more work than I&#8217;d expected but it seemed silly to stop when another hour of fussing would lead to the (tiny) senior member payoff.<\/p>\n<p>I made the changes he requested. As I did it, though, I wondered if my application was so iffy that I needed to do more highlighting of instances success. But the committee gets a lot of applications and I want to make the choice easy for them (Fred&#8217;s reasoning but I bought it), so I made the changes.<\/p>\n<p>I re-sent my packet to Fred. He wanted more changes before he&#8217;d write a recommendation.<\/p>\n<p>At this point, my opinion was &#8220;to hell with them&#8221;. I didn\u2019t know why Fred kept putting up more hurdles, what he found lacking in me.<\/p>\n<p>The bar for senior member status isn&#8217;t that high: at least ten years in a related career with definite growth shown over five of those years. These are checkboxes. I suppose there is some subjectivity regarding what growth means but I&#8217;d say title changes count. I was actually pretty depressed that my new super-CV couldn&#8217;t show that I&#8217;d met those requirements. I couldn&#8217;t really imagine what more he&#8217;d want and I didn&#8217;t have time to fuss more.<\/p>\n<p>I emailed back to him and said that he&#8217;d sufficiently discouraged me, that if my application was so borderline that three passes were needed, I&#8217;d wait until I was less borderline. I did not thank him for his help. I was polite (and brief).<\/p>\n<p>About a month later, I got email from a guy I knew from other things, that I&#8217;d done a favor for. When I realized he was senior member, I got a recommendation from him. Easy peasy. He said my application rocked. My membership was upgraded with no questions from the committee.<\/p>\n<p>Fred is the guy here at the conference. I don&#8217;t know if he recalls this interaction or not. Whenever I see his name on an IEEE ballot, I wince and fail to vote. Part of me knows that he really was trying to help, in his own way. Part of me is angered that he&#8217;d put me through so many hoops that I was willing to give up. I don&#8217;t know why I was so special or if he does this for everybody.<\/p>\n<p>It isn&#8217;t like IEEE senior membership gets me anything: it isn&#8217;t even something anyone cares about on my resume. I was only willing to give up a little of my valuable time getting an upgrade that has no value. I ended up spending far more angst and time than I wanted. Apparently, there is still some angst.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Yesterday, I went to this conference, nervous due to my normal social anxiety and uncomfortable with my identity as I sporting a &#8220;Press&#8221; badge. The first person I interacted with is the one guy at the whole conference that I&#8217;d hoped not to see. Of course. I&#8217;ve never been to this conference but this guy [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[24,21,37,45],"class_list":["post-1086","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-adventures-in-tech","tag-imposter-syndrome","tag-rant","tag-socially-awkward"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/logicalelegance.com\/journey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1086","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/logicalelegance.com\/journey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/logicalelegance.com\/journey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/logicalelegance.com\/journey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/logicalelegance.com\/journey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1086"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/logicalelegance.com\/journey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1086\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1087,"href":"https:\/\/logicalelegance.com\/journey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1086\/revisions\/1087"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/logicalelegance.com\/journey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1086"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/logicalelegance.com\/journey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1086"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/logicalelegance.com\/journey\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1086"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}